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Dick Sutherland Does…

Everything

Kids, while you’re considering whether that handful of Cymbalta you just washed down with grandma’s patented ‘peach juice and Fleischmann’ came through the correct channels, consider this as well: Still no word on the Nintendo Phone (known on this page as the nPhone). This may go down as the finest prank in April history (that cruelest of Julian’s months) or it may just turn out to be another bad day.

Ladies and gentlemen, as the man said, “I am a chef.” And a disappointed one at that. Let’s throw down to the meter.

Days without = IX
Days with = 0

Thanks again to the Kroger fresh fruit division for staying strong in what has been a profitable but, yes, fruitless sponsorship.

(On a side note: this blog is hence forth known, informally at least, as “the page”.)

Many years ago, Harry Truman (that flower-toting pinko some of you, but probably not many or any of you, called President) began our nation’s long march toward national healthcare*. Today that march is over, and a new march begins. If you’ve been following the blog (here’s an unrelated but empowering link to CNN) then you know that the new battlefront is cellular communications, and the new warrior–the warrior of tomorrow–is the nPhone. Provided below, once again, is a tally of our nation’s nPhone-less days, modeled after the bleak prison wall scratchings, those rudimentary calendars, seen in many popular television dramas.

Days without the nPhone II

Days with the nPhone 0

*I should note that the nPhone has the constitutional advantage of being immune to accusations of being a “communist plot.” So sign up today!

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In Maltese…

il-lejl it-tajjeb, my friends.

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nintendo?

Welcome, valued readers Chris & Ollie. Today is the first day of what will undoubtedly be a short campaign for the Nintendo phone. The idea is obvious (see above). The world is ready (see above). Gimme. (Fingers crossed….) Please feel free to follow the meter below for a roughly accurate sense of how long Nintendo is taking to reinvent themselves as a manufacturer of modern cellular devices.

THE METER (brought to you by Kroger’s fresh fruit division)

Days of don’t = 1 Days of do = 0

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